The Memoir Coach

You can now read my blog at http://www.womenswritingworkshops.com/writing-workshop-blog/

I have heard it said that it is not what you say but how you say it that matters most.  If we take the time to get in touch with the emotional charge (energy) that lies behind our thoughts before they become words, putting ourselves in the other’s shoes, what comes out is spoken in loving-kindness, even if it is not pleasant to say or hear.  It’s not so much about seeking and finding agreement with the other as it is about creating the space to simply know we have been heard.  This allows us to be highly committed to our communication, with a low attachment to winning or losing the issue at hand.  I am convinced that we can say just about anything to anybody if it is said with genuine loving-kindness and compassion, with a skillfullness that does not include an agenda to hurt or inflict pain but to simply communicate.  In Deepak Chopra’s book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success he talks in chapter one about our thoughts and not having judgement.  He says, “Judegment is the constant evaluation of things as right or wrong, good or bad.  When you are constantly evaluating, classifying, labeling, analyzing, you create a lot of turbulence in your internal dialogue.  This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality.  You literally squeeze the “gap” between thoughts.”  Remember it is our thoughts from which our communication stems from.  Take some time today to consider your communication.  Let our words be a reflection of what we have inside our hearts and minds.  Take the time to write someone a letter and communicate to them how much you appreciate them.  Secondly, watch your thoughts and words today…practice mindfulness!

Today I had my second class in my session 1 Living a Legacy series.  What an amazing group of women, they still appeared to be glassy eyed with all the thoughts that were swirling through their heads.  It is amazing that when one begins to write their life story and think about the life they have lived it can sometimes cause unease.  Today I invited Melitas, my 93 year old student, to class today to read one of her stories and to share.  Everybody loves Melitas, she is such a treasure and a jewel.  As I sat next to her listening to her read her story I wanted to capture that moment in my memory and never let it go.  It reminded me to really cherish each moment of every day as a gift and to take none of it for granted.  I want to stay mindful.  To me that means to take no relationship for granted; take no day for granted; take no moment for granted.  This doesn’t mean we should live in fear of losing any part of what is near and dear to us.  It simply means we can choose to be deeply mindful of how precious the gifts are and honor the gifts with gratitude and humility.  When we choose to see life this way, every day, every meal, every hug, every kiss hello as well as good-bye…indeed every breath we take becomes a mindfulness practice that encourages us to make our grudges and resentments short-lived.  Our sense of wonder and awe at the gifts make it an eternally ”now” experience.  Doing this connects you with life, which is where you want to be! 

Today in your reflecting consider where you may have been taking others for granted.  What can you do differently starting right now?  Remember, the small steps count as well!

I have been writing and thinking about growth lately.  Growth comes in many shapes and sizes, as children there were times where you may have had a “growth spurt.”  Have you had one of those lately?  It seems like as adults when we have growth opportunities it may come in the form of pain.  Wouldn’t it be great if all of our growth opportunities came in times of light, love, blue skies and green lights, where it felt good and we could see where we are going?  Unfortunately that is not the way it works.  I can remember a student of mine telling me once that the hardest part of growth and change is when one door closes and you are standing alone in the hallway waiting for the other door to open.  Reality is, we are destined to grow, one way or another.  Our only choice is, will it be consciously or unconsciously?  I believe there can be great personal growth for us as we learn to consciously push out into the darkness as well as the light.  Think back to times in your life when you have grown from a circumstance in your life.  Most of our most meaningful personal growth experiences can be stimulated when life appears the darkest and most uncertain.  Have you ever put a bag of potatoes in your cupboard where they can sit and just be in the dark.  What happens?  They will still continue to “sprout” even in the darkness.  The darkness doesn’t seem to stifle the growth of a potato.

Is it time for you to “sprout” some new growth?  If the answer is “yes,” don’t wait until “growing conditions” are perfect because they seldom are.  Don’t turn away from your dark or uncertain times; lean into them and invite the wisdom of the universe to reveal the meaning and purpose of the moment.  Let the experience become the teacher.  Push out into life and grow, regardless of the conditions, because that’s why you are here-to evolve and grow into the spectacular being you are!

Today in your journal writing consider the ways life has been your teacher.  Do you find your times of growth to be more conscious or unconscious?  If you haven’t “sprouted” lately, in what area would you like to grow?

Whenever we are overcome with fear, it is always attached to a concern of loss at some level.  Perhaps it’s the loss of a relationship or loved one, a material possession, a job, a reputation, or _______(fill in the blank).  Whatever the perceived loss, making the divine surrender will always be the answer.  This demands that we let go of our need to control the universe, doesn’t it?  It’s always about the lesser giving way to the greater and our willingness to be the vessel through which it may happen.  In the process, we may have to make peace with the fact that something we have been clinging to must be released.  (In my Living a Legacy series class I ask in session 1, what are you holding on to and what seems to be holding on to you…)  This can be a very personal and difficult thing to do, but it is how we make way for the greater expression of the divine through us and as us.  Our true defining moment then is when we open to this awareness and give way to it.

Try to remember today that it could be your defining moment to reveal who you really are…to yourself and to the world.  Today in your writing explore what you may be holding on to and maybe this is the day to release it and reveal yourself to the world…it is one of the best things you can do for yourself…trust me, I have been doing it lately and it is liberating!  I was once told by a very wise woman, you build self-esteem by doing esteemable acts!  Remember: People that love you get who you are!  Which reminds me, have you found your “tribe” yet?  They will “get” you!  Namaste!

I was thinking this morning on my hike that I love the word namaste.  Generally those who say the word namaste are of a spiritual nature.  Those who say this beautiful word generally hold their hands in a prayer position, they offer a slight bow signifying a sign of reverence for one another.  I did some digging and I found that the word “Namaste” comes from the ancient language of Sanskrit and it means “I honor the place in you which the entire universe dwells.  I honor the place in you that is love-of truth and peace.  When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one.”  The shorter, westernized version of the definition of Namaste might be  ”The divine in me honors the divine in you.”  I like the idea that one word, when embodied, can speak so loudly that no lengthy definition or superfluous words are needed.  When I observe someone who understands the true meaning of Namaste, it becomes obvious to me that the word evokes a deep sense of inner peace, great reverence for another and of course loving-kindness.

We know that words are only symbols and that words themselves have no power; the power to transform comes from the intention, feeling, and conviction behind the word.  Saying Namaste to others would be useless unless we can first look into the mirror and say it with sincere reverence and loving-kindness first to ourselves.

Try this week to live in a true Namaste consciousness, see the divine in you and in others…journal about your experience!

Happy Earth Day everyone!  Another beautiful day here in the desert, with a high expected of only 88.

“So plastic is mind, so receptive, that the slightest thought makes an impression upon it.  People who think many kinds of thought must expect to receive a confused manifestation in their lives.  If a gardener plants a thousand kinds of seeds, he will get a thousand kinds of plants: it is the same in mind.”  Dr. Ernest Holmes

This earth day let’s think of our mind as our garden.  An unattended mind can create havoc for you because your mind is amazingly receptive to whatever suggestions are dropped into it.  So whether the thought is a weed or a rose the mind will try to grow that thought-seed into a full-blown plant.  The subconscious mind says “yes” to all seeds planted, positive or otherwise.  When you stop and consider how many thought-seeds are blown, dropped, or purposely planted in your mind on a daily basis, it may cause you to tend to your mental garden with a bit more regularity.  I want to avoid this type of mind pollution by consciously focusing on what I want to have planted and growing in my flower box called life.  It is proven that the human mind thinks thousands of thoughts a day.  Instead of planting a mixed bag of thousands of various seeds (confused and unfocused thinking) that will require a full-time gardener to pull up weeds, specialize in planting one or two types of seed.  Plant thought-seeds about yourself and others that are rooted in reverence and loving-kindness.  Be mindful.  Be skillful in the seeds you plant and how you nurture them.  Your life is your garden: keep the weeds out because that is one way in which you can personally beautify our world.  You owe that much to yourself and to those who receive the benefit of the seeds you drop along the way.

Today in your writing think about the seeds you are planting in your planter box and think about the seeds you are dropping in those you come in contact with today.

Happy Earth Day!!

What is that saying…music makes the world go round?  What is on your playlist? Do you tend to listen to the same music over and over or the same station?  Many times our lives reflect our playlist.  Have you tried a new genre of music lately?  Let’s take this a step further…what is on your “play” list?  Have you stopped doing certain things because of your age?  Has there been something you have been wanting to try but haven’t had the courage to do it?  What is something that you would love to do?  Now think about what is stopping you.  What is calling for your time and attention?

“Attention is a tangible measure of love.  Whatever receives our time and attention becomes the center of gravity, the focus of our life.  This is what we do with what we love: We allow it to become our center.  What is at the center of your life?  Carefully examine where you spend your attention, your time.  Look at your appointment book, your daily schedule…this is what receives your care and attention-and by definition your love.”   Wayne Muller

To a large degree, who we are is defined by what we love.  What do you love?  If you take this question seriously, not only will it help you clarify what your priorities are, but it will help you see who you are.  As Wayne Muller sates, take a look at what is the center of your life.  Where do you spend your precious energy and time?  Where is your attention focused?  This is where that which you love actually resides.  The challenge we seem to face as a culture is that we tend to get caught up in the external pursuits in life, and our priorities become distorted.  The doing, getting, and achieving become more important than being.  So let me ask you again, what do you love, really?  Just look at the center, the hub of your life, and you will know.

Now look again and see what you can do this week to expand your “play” list.  I want to encourage you to try one thing new this week.  Start small if you like, but start!  Enjoy!

“There are cycles of success, when things come to you and you thrive, and cycles of failure, when they wither or disintegrate and you have let them go in order to make room for new things to arise, or for transformation to happen.  If you cling and resist at that point, it means you are refusing to go with the flow of life, and you will suffer.  It is not true that the up cycle is good and the down cycle bad except in the mind’s judgment.  Growth is usually considered positive, but nothing can grow forever.  If growth, of whatever kind, were to go on and on and on, it would eventually become monstrous and destructive.  Dissolution is needed for new growth to happen.  One cannot exist without the other.” – Eckhart Tolle

Our physical experience really is one big cycle of up and down, ebb and flow, where all living things are subject to the flow of life.   The planets have cycles, our bodies have cycles, day ends with night, night ends with day, summer ends with fall, fall ends with winter, winter ends with springs, and so on it goes around and around!  We tend to see the up as good and the down as bad.  But remember, without the down there could be no up.  The down prepares the way for the up.  There has to be some time-outs along the way or we would burn out (rather that is physically, personally or emotionally).  Listen to your heart and your body wisdom.  Call upon your “tribe” to ask for wisdom as well.  Don’t fear or resist the cycles of life calling you to take a time-out.  It is only natural.  It is part of what we have come here to experience and be at ease with.  Marvel as how your life cycles flow, and honor them.

Take the time to look at your life today and see where you have resistance.  Try to flow with it and see what happens!

The people who become members of your tribe are in the world waiting and you are destined to find them.

Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.

The individuals who eventually become members of your unique tribe are out there in the wide world waiting for you. You are destined to find them, one by one, as you move through life. Sometimes your own efforts will put you in contact with your future tribe members. At other times, circumstances beyond your control will play a role in helping you connect with your tribe. If you look about you and discover that you are already allied with a wonderful and supportive tribe, remember that there are likely many members of your tribe you have not yet met. On the other hand, if you feel you are still living outside of your tribe, broadening your horizons can help you find your tribe members.

However your life develops after you come together with your tribe, you can be assured that its members will stand at your side. On the surface, your tribe may seem to be nothing more than a loose-knit group of friends and acquaintances to whom you ally yourself. Yet when you look deeper, you will discover that your tribe grounds you and provides you with a sense of community that ultimately fulfills many of your most basic human needs.

Last year I found my tribe.  My tribe consists of 4 other women who range in age from 38-63.  Each time we meet we connect on a cellular level.  What we each bring and share at our meetings is always unique and different, just as we are.  I want to encourage you today to actively search for your tribe.  Find those who you connect with and that you can share your deepest most intimate thoughts with without ridicule or judgement.  When you find your tribe, you will know it!